Oldest Daughter and her family are on vacation this week… somewhere. Somehow I never found out where they were going, though I think she said something about Orlando… maybe Disney or Universal?

They always take lovely vacations, for which I am jealous. Theme parks, cruises, the Poconos… Don’t get me wrong, hubby and I could do the same if we didn’t spend all our money on computer equipment. LOL!

So, to OD: I miss you and can’t wait to see you the first weekend of August. That’s less than a month away, so get your scrapbooking stuff together; I’m in the mood to crop!

I’ve neglected this space, but there’s just been no time at all. When I did have a few minutes the blog wasn’t the first thing on my mind. I know you can relate; doesn’t matter who you are, life gets busy and something has to give.

Working on my daughter’s site has taken up a few days lately… this is her new space:

She’s… creative.

Thank God my husband comes home tonight. In the meantime, I need a nap.

I scrambled eggs and toasted a couple of english muffins for breakfast this morning. My husband, who I’ve been cooking for off and on for almost twenty years, surprised me with: “These are the best scrambled eggs you’ve ever made.”

Usually, no opinion of my efforts is forthcoming. If I do ask, his reaction is ‘okay’. The steaks are ‘okay’, the pot roast is ‘okay’, the meatloaf is ‘okay, but you could have…’ because just like Goldilocks in the Bear home, my meatloaf is never just right for him.

So… this morning when he volunteered that those eggs were the best I’ve ever made I was taken aback. The man is clearly either having an affair or wants more money diverted into his flying fund. Something besides eggs is cracked in this house.

Don’t think anything has changed just because I haven’t ranted lately; she is still here and the closest I can come to classifying the state of the family is: status quo with extreme prejudice.

Oh, she has a job. Part time, paying 7. an hour. Hardly a living wage. But instead of looking for a better job, every moment not at work is spent reading romance novels; even days off. Still won’t clean anything.
Comes in at midnight, and always wakes us.

I think she tries to stay out of our way by hiding in her room, but by doing so it feels like an alien presence in the house, always just out of reach… it’s hard to explain.

I’ve changed. I’m stressed and eating more, and worse. While she has lost weight, I have gained. My neck hurts on a daily basis, and I’ve fallen out of more important habits like cleaning, mowing and paying bills.
I would almost take something if a doctor suggested it… but that would mean I’d have to make an appointment…

After four months of Antonia’s presence I feel like giving up. Maybe it’s the holidays; making nice around Christmas is an old family tradition. Whatever, I simply can’t work up to a decent mad at this time of the year.

I love her; she’s a sweet girl, incredibly easy to be around and very empathetic. All of the reasons I’ve been unhappy with her have grown solely out of her actions, not because of a deviant personality or aberrant behavior on her part.

We are financially strained and she does not help, instead the utility and food bills have gone up. She causes me extra work. I also have to take care of her cat.
None of these are cause for me to stop loving her or wanting to help her, though at this point it’s getting hard to focus on that…

At one point the stress was so bad I was drinking every night… but I haven’t had anything in over a week. I’ve wanted it, very badly. But I’m not turning into an addict at this late date.

A post without rage. The unusual does happen, but I wonder how often.