After Team Skateboard got back to their camp, Robb admitted that he was very bitter about the loss. His team looked rather down and frustrated as we heard him complain, “He’s a weak little whiney punk.” His team tried to ignore him. “Backwoods hick. Did you hear him? ‘WaaWaaWaaWaa!’ He was screaming at me, Dude. I wanted to spit in his face.”
(Just now, should I have not capitalized “Dude?” It’s not really a proper noun, but then again, it’s being used as a name. I tried to look up “Dude etiquette” in my Chicago Manual of Style but it wasn’t addressed. I think I’ll not capitalize it from now on. There is only one time it should be capitalized and that is when I discuss my aunt who is actually called Dude. I’ve never heard her real name and I couldn’t tell you what it is. All I know is that when she was little, my mother and her sisters called her “Doodle-bug” and the nickname just shortened over time to “Dude.” So, yes folks, it’s true. I have an aunt named Dude and although this caused a bit of confusion while growing up as to what a dude really is, I’m quite proud of this fun Rob-family fact.)
Once again, I just entirely love Shii Ann’s words, “Robb, idiot that he is, he talks so much. There is no way a logical thought goes through his brain, ’cause his mouth is always flapping.”
Robb continues his rant as Erin and several others look at him like he’s that embarrassing uncle at a wedding, “We got beat today, dude. But it wasn’t by somebody better than us. Ok, I’m not going to be a sore loser. We lost, dude. We lost by a bunch of rules. You know what, though, who gives a sh**. Because I got a good shot at old homeboy from the backwoods and big Teddy wasn’t so big. That’s what I’m saying.”
There are so many things in this one little paragraph to comment about! In the same breath, he mentioned that he wasn’t going to be a sore loser and that they lost only by a bunch of rules. I guess that maybe he was hoping that his team could stand anywhere and push people off while the other team was allowed only to do it in the small attack zone. Damn those rules. Just like football and baseball. People should be allowed to just run all over the field and score touchdowns in either end zone and hit home runs from anywhere they wanted.
And then he had to somehow turn it around so that in his mind he won. “I lost the challenge but I pushed off a little guy a foot shorter than me and even though Ted flipped me 3-feet into the air, he wasn’t so big. That’s what I’m saying.”
But it didn’t end there. He played down the reward, like it wasn’t really anything he would’ve wanted. “I was a little bit disappointed when I saw what the reward was. I mean it could’ve been useful for the Red Berets maybe help us with our shelter. But otherwise, I was hoping it would be like a big turkey or something.”
It’s so easy to make fun of Robb. And what makes it so easy is that I don’t have to do anything except print what he says.
By the way, the “dude” count is at least 3 in this episode alone, not counting any that spewed forth during the challenge. I imagine fraternities have already devised a drinking game based on Dude Spewage.
Tags: brain, family, football