Born without a shopping gene

The baby’s baptism looms larger every day so I went to Macy’s yesterday to shop for new clothes.

You must understand that clothes shopping for me is an exercise in terror. While other little girls were matching separates, I was astride a horse. When they were grooming Barbie’s hair and collecting accessories for her dream date Ken I was reading a book. Where was I when they were applying their first coats of makeup? Oh, yeah. Castrating calves and mucking the barn.

Since I wasn’t born with fashion sense and didn’t learn the basics early on I’ve pretty much relied on others to dress me. From my mother to my best friend to Youngest spawn, I’ve cheerfully placed those decisions in the hands of people who know better than I the ins and outs of current styles and retail life.

Yesterday was a prime example of what happens when I live an isolated existence with no close friends at hand. Like I said, I hied my butt to Macy’s. First stop was the Ralph Lauren area -because they’re right inside the door. Those retail execution folks know exactly what they’re doing; it’s a hike to get to the cheap stuff - and the treacherous trail leads through exotic flora and fauna like Lauren, Hilfiger, Calvin Klein, DKNY and Michael Kors. I stopped at Lauren, of course. Bought two tops and a pair of slacks so expensive they would easily feed a small African village for a year.

Now I need shoes. Who said women like shopping?!? I’d rather be mucking a barn.