…she snarled.
First, I learned that my fat jeans, the ones that were nicely loose last year? Well, I can’t even zip ‘em up. THAT is how much weight I’ve gained in one year. WTF?

Second, I discovered that my hairdresser is voting for Obama because she wants Change. As much Change as she can get. I smiled sweetly and kept my mouth shut; any woman wielding very long, sharp scissors near my eyeballs deserves all the respect I can muster.

Third, my Linens N Things is closing. I will be there for the 40% off wake. [sob]

Fourth, the rat bastards closed my TARGET. [open weeping]

Fifth, I am in a dark enough place that I’m contemplating, really seriously thinking about, weight loss pills. Right after I finish this damnable Halloween candy.

Tonight will be night two of our new exercise regime, but dayum. I have to buy new clothes to go to the baby’s Baptism on the 9th. And that just sucks.

Pardon me while I sit over here in the corner and consider things for a bit.

I am nothing if not predictable.

It’s amazing to me that on the prettiest, coolest day we’ve had so far this year the city is redoing our roads. I’m cleaning, and all the windows are thrown open but now, instead of fresh air, I’m breathing asphalt. I’m pretty sure Yankee Candle will never design a petroleum scent. Ugh.

One of the trucks is so huge it’s shaking the house, reminding me of course of the gloppita gloppita machine from Jack Lemmon’s movie ‘How To Murder Your Wife’. Though some might denounce the obvious sexism I adore the movie for the masterful work of humor that it is… and of course, Lemmon never disappoints.

I’d better go back to polishing my industrial knobs. Did that sound vaguely erotic or was it just me?

The Wildlife Conservation Society and New York Zoos are sponsoring a cute-as-heck avatar builder called BuiLD YouR WiLD SeLF. You can make yourself normal or as wild and wacky as you wanna go, then create desktop wallpapers featuring the new you. Regardless of how much time I’ve wasted with it today, this is an app perhaps best suited to kids. Or not. Ahem.

Anyway, here are my efforts. Click on the images to see them at full res.

I’m using the last one as my wallpaper right now. Ya know, until a grown up gets home…

Crikey! I just twigged that I have not updated this since people stopped clapping and Tinkerbell died… You would not believe that my hands were chopped off and I was waiting for bionic ones. Stupid Global Warming!.

I am totally and utterly flat out with setting fire to people wearing Crocs, selling my soul to Google, just generally being a pain to every man and his dog, my day is filled with fluorescent light from the first cockadoodledoo from the rooster to I run out of alcohol. I am putting money aside so I can run away. I need some perspective.

I will try to remember I promised you won’t blog until the next time booze prices go up and I have to get sober for a while. Truly! Unless of course the pool with the cocktail bar is heated!.

The above was written with the Lazy Bloggers Post Generator!! It’s loads of fun, though not perfect… Crikey! Heh.