There oughta be a law
I’m 50. I know, it’s a milestone age. An age at which some people pause and take stock of their accomplishments and plan for the future. Well, not me. Don’t tell anyone, but I never thought I’d get old. Hell, I never really thought I’d grow up! Maybe that’s why I want to get a tat before 51 smacks me solidly between the eyes in August. You want to see despair? Rage? Come back then.
This old stuff is becoming a reality despite my best intentions and considerable maneuvers to avoid it… and the next person to tell me ‘it’s better than the alternative’ will be slapped. Consider this your warning.
Not one of those who begrudge the young their elasticity and firm thighs, I just want to be *me* again. I still like myself, there are just parts of myself I don’t recognize anymore. To that end, I believe some things should be made illegal:
Arm cellulite. I mean, WTF did I ever do to deserve this?
‘Wings’ Those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about are obviously too young to drink.
Spider/varicose veins. Holy Jebus, someone hates me.
Age spots. I know how I got these, and it was all my fault. Repeat after me: sunblock, sunblock, sunblock.
After a certain age, the older we become the faster the aging process accelerates. I think that’s wrong on so many levels. We should start getting those little ‘laugh’ wrinkles at the corners of our eyes at age 13, just as a precursor of things to come. By 20 a little bit of temporary incontinence when we laugh wouldn’t be amiss.
Some of us might need larger, more literal signs, such as a humorous poster bearing the visage of that ‘hang in there’ cat, except really old and ratty. Moth eaten, even. With the words ‘You start to die the day you’re born’ inscribed in pretty script.
There just oughta be a law.
10 Responses
Yeah, 51 is less than two months away! Ack!
I actually undulate between couldn’t care less and pissed off about it.
still, it beats the alternative
::runs away before serious harm can be done::
I knew someone would do it; just thought it’d be Gwen.
Amen sister, amen.
And I would like to add, what the hell did I do to deserve a freaking double chin.
I am 41 and I have a double chin and I am not THAT overweight to have a freaking double chin.
No fair!
I’ll add that to the list, QW! 
I’m guestimating you must be about 20 days older than me and trust me… I know what you’re talking about when it comes to the aging process. But by God.. I’m determined to do it with grace 
I used to think the same thing, Anna… but menopause sucked the grace right outta me!
Pff.. I’ve been wishin for the big “M” for 25 years, but I swear ol’ Aunt Flo will be visiting me on my death bed when I’m ninety.
Annas last blog post..A United Message On Tax Cuts And Economic Policy
Looking forward to it, eh? It’s a charming time, for sure. Full of night sweats, leg pain, hot flashes and mood swings, followed by osteoporosis and sagging everything.
But I’m putting too positive a spin on it! 
Isn’t it a little to early to be thinking the ‘51′ thing? Maybe I have my wires crossed but I thought you were that thing that roars. What was that again? Oh yeah, a lion, Leo is it? Just poking fun there.
I still got you beat in the getting older thing. 