Missed opportunity

Did you ever feel like the stars had aligned to a single purpose one day but that you willingly cast your lot with the mean spirited? How do we know when a true opportunity has been placed in our path… or are there opportunities every day that we don’t see?

Yesterday I took a $5 coupon to Publix. The cashier forgot to subtract it from the total bill, so she simply gave it to me in cash. That in itself felt odd, since I don’t carry cash. I figure if I get into a spot that my bank card and American Express can’t get me out of… well, then I’m probably done for, anyway.

So I stuffed the $5 bill into my pocket and left.

In order to leave Publix’s lot, I pulled up into the line of cars at the traffic light… and saw a man with a small sign. He looked horrible and was wearing obviously cast off clothing. Sporting longish, dirty, graying hair and beard, his sign said something about being a homeless Vietnam vet.

Thing is, I never carry money, but I had FIVE dollars. Thing is, there’s never been a homeless person asking for money in that spot in my six year history here. Thing is, I strongly felt that I should give him the money. It hit me like a lead weight to the solar plexus.

But I didn’t. Too many years of caring for the homeless close to home. Too many scams, too many secrets revealed.

So why am I obsessing about it now? Because I still think I should have given him the money. If I go back, he won’t be there. My opportunity is gone. It doesn’t matter whether or not he was ‘for real’. All that matters is the fact that I ignored my instincts in favor of a more sensible, realistic approach.

Maybe that was the point. The post encounter angst? I’m rationalizing again, aren’t I? Damn.