Stuck on you.

Maybe it’s because I have IBS, but I can almost relate to the Kansas woman who has become stuck on her boyfriend’s toilet after remaining there for two years.

Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old woman’s skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

“We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital,” Whipple said. “The hospital removed it.”

Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh. She was “somewhat disoriented,” and her legs looked like they had atrophied, Whipple said.

“She said that she didn’t need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave,” he said.

We all know what happens after sitting on the porcelain god for long periods of time: blood flow is cut off to the legs. Hers had ‘atrophied’.

And that toilet had not been cleaned in two years.

I hope she gets some psychiatric help… and I hope someone beats the hell out of her boyfriend.