Like being pecked to death by chickens

Antonia had ceased doing anything except hiding in her room, only tiptoeing out to go to the bathroom - she wasn’t even eating. We were beside ourselves. She let her car insurance expire and will now lose her license. Just couldn’t care less. No meetings, no work.
I hung a note on her door to come find me when she crawled down off the cross…
It was Sunday the 19th and I was out working in the yard.

She finally found me and I talked with her [again!] but this time I related what Ella had suggested; that she go back to what worked. Yes, I had talked [more like ranted] to Ella… even though the animosity between the two breathes a life of its own, I had to talk to someone. D is of no help in these circumstances, so I needed some sane discourse. I didn’t want to call bestest buddy because she has enough on her plate right now…

So Ella very sanely said to go back to what worked. Square One. Antonia had had a job where she got constant positive feedback, then came here and reality set in… So, she needed to get a job, go to meetings, etc.
I went even further and said that she should sell the truck to a junkyard so she can get her license back… and walk the 1/2 mile to Publix/Home Depot/Burger King or take the shuttle that stops right outside the house and get a job.
Oh, and it’s been over 3 months and she’s only worked 2 days. She needs to pay rent.

After we talked she borrowed my cell and called her sponsor, Tammy. They talked for 3 hours, and suddenly she was rejuvenated. “I’ve had my talking to” she said.
Okaaaay.

Tammy wanted to talk to me so we chatted for about half an hour and I finally got it: Antonia keeps going when Tammy kicks her in the ass. She needs that.
I told Tammy that the situation feels eerily like it was when da kid was 15.
She said that it’s not surprising, since people who are using do not age emotionally while under the influence. When they get sober it’s as if they pick up their lives where they left them…
Crap. So I AM dealing with an emotional 15 year old. No wonder. Big problem: I am not a person who can kick someone’s ass. I become frustrated then angry. Channeling that into kicking a 30 year old’s butt just to get them to do something so elemental is… difficult.
Though that revelation did open the door for me to go into her room and remove old dirty dishes with hair growing on them and piles of trash. She is filthy, and to me it’s just disrespectful.

So. She went to a meeting that night, Sunday, then worked out of the labor pool Monday [and a meeting that night] and worked Tuesday. That was it.

She got up about noon today and I caught her in the kitchen “Why didn’t you go to work today?”
It took her a few uncomfortable moments to come up with “I don’t know”. [Deja vu!]
Then I asked “When was the last time you went to a meeting? What happened to 90 in 90?”
She opined that she last went to a meeting Thursday or Friday. That’s impossible, since she never left the house. Her last meeting was one week ago today.
I said “GO”. She grabbed a book and left the house. For all I know she’s going to go sit on the beach and read.

Like a child, she has to be told to do things. I waited days before doing laundry because I knew she needed to do it… I mean, the pile in the bathroom alone was bad…. so this morning -when she was supposed to be at work - I started it. She was toting laundry to the garage when I caught her in the kitchen earlier. Too bad.

For Christmas we are giving her the $50. needed to take the GED test. Her teacher told her she was ready, but I’m willing to bet that left to her own devices she would never take that test… and I’ll drive her if I have to.

I know that everything I bring here sounds bad and desperate, and it usually is. This repository sees the very worst I have. Good thing nobody knows it’s here, eh?

I read once that raising children is like being pecked to death by chickens. What if the child is 30?